Bye blogging - It’s been a pleasure.

Hey,

G’morning, I hope you’re all really really well.:)

This is maybe a random post, but one I feel ready for in the same kind of way you may feel ready to leave high school, it’s really right but still feels the end of an era all the same. That is, I know I want this post to officially be my last blogging post :’(. I’ve known I wanted to stop for a few weeks now as  it feels like my life is changing and moving. I don’t really know what to, you never really do do you? That’s why life is so exciting and unpredictable I guess, but I didn’t want to just not post anymore, out of respect for this marvellous hobby I’ve had for two and a half years I wanted to end with a proper post, as funny as that sounds. 

It feels comical to say I have a real sadness about this being the last post- in that way when something has become a big part of your life and given you so much joy for a long time. But I don’t want to be keeping a blog, no matter how small the regular readership, if I no longer feel passionate about it. I feel above all you must write truthfully and honestly and if you get no enjoyment or release out of it then perhaps why write? 

I know I’ll never not get enjoyment out of writing, I just know that blogging has been there for me through some of the hardest times. When I was too angry or numb or scared of what it is to have a chronic illness, whilst healing physically and emotionally through the trauma of it really. Initially reviewing music, blogging saw me and gave me a chance to voice all that happened on good days of legendary hours on air at hospital radio or getting to meet The Kooks at a gig I only knew I was going to an hour and a half before. It saw me documenting seeing my first shooting star at 1am on Brighton beach, the eve after my nineteenth birthday or my experiences of meeting some of the most inspiring people you could ever meet. It also was a platform for the post in most proud of writing “Feelings no one tells you about when you’re ill for a long period” - which clocked over 1,300 views and was definitely the most truthful and painful thing I have written, which is why I am most proud. I had lots of strangers messaging me saying they’d never had their experiences written in such a way that they knew somebody else understood them, that they weren’t alone. That to me was the whole reason for bearing my soul, and I feel emensely proud and humbled to have used experiences I least likely wanted to talk about in a way to give strength to others and in turn free myself from the pain of it I think. It was also a great way of raising awareness and though I could never know who read it, the most random of acquaintances congratulated me and to this day that will always blow my mind. That people consciously took the time to read something I had written, something I felt wasn’t talked about by the large section of society affected by the same or many many similar conditions. I’m glad to have done something that scared me so much that I shook before posting it, for, in my mind the ultimate thing a human can do - be vulnerable to help seek  understanding and that goes for any situation in life really. Again,  thank you eternally if you read that.

Blogging gave me a chance to feel like me again and sometimes it was only when I wrote a post I could understand how I felt. It occurs to me that perhaps it’s always good to have an open blog, even if in years and years I only post a few times. This is definitely valid but for me I’d rather leave posting officially whilst I’m still very much in love with blogging, I’d never want to do it for the sake and it feels right. I feel happier, I’m ready.

I can’t believe I began writing my first blog a month after my eighteenth birthday as my friend was also beginning one and I’d always wanted to but for some reason never had. In the strangest of ways it’s been even though a small decision, one of the best decisions I’ve made really and on the days where I was just sick of the tiredness or acheness, to sit down and write with a cuppa’ did sort of ground me. After each post I’ve always felt a million times lighter or happier than pre writing and so I can honestly say it’s one of the most hostilic things I’ve ever done.  I would recommend it to anyone, whether you feel you need to write to get feelings down or just to explore and share a hobby.

So here we go, from 2015-2018, blogging, cheers for being a pal, I owe you one x

Molly